There’s a scientific theory, proven by myself and the friends who enable my every whim, that breaking up with a partner is cause for Completely Going Off The Rails™. Whether you’re the dump-er or the dump-ee, the collapse of a relationship (good or bad) is heartbreaking, lonely and unstable.
Above all, navigating the rocky waters of a post-breakup world is isolating. People are really enjoying their lives, making plans and telling you to “get back out there!” while you’re desperately trying to telepathically communicate “can’t ANYONE see the life has been sucked out of my very eyes?” But every so often, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior blesses us with an archetype for the messy, heart wrenching yet beautiful way our vulnerable human spirits overcome the pain of heartbreak. Suddenly, this totem for heartbreak reminds you that you’re not alone.
And for this reason, I’d like to welcome this week’s Hottie to the stage—the UK’s most devoted Grime enthusiast, Adele.
Adele announced her split from husband Simon Konecki back in April, and officially filed for divorce five months later in September. After announcing the divorce, Adele retreated from the public eye. Eventually, the “Someone Like You” singer made her single-woman debut on instagram with none other than a meme reminding us that she is still in fact, that bitch. In a caption-less post, Adele let us know that sure, she’s been through it, but she’s back on her bullshit. As someone who suffered a public meltdown consisting of self deprecating humor and objectively horrible retweets via twitter dot com after ending a tumultuous relationship, I deeply resonated with the tone Adele was setting for her breakup energy.
But this week, things reached a turning point for our fair lady. The Sun reported that Adele is rolling deep in the sheets of musician, fellow hottie and Naomi Campbell ex, Skepta—otherwise known as the man responsible for Drake’s unforgivable appropriation of the UK grime scene for the entirety of 2017.
Both Tottenham natives, Skepta and Adele have developed a close friendship over the years. In 2016, she posted a photo of the “Tottenham Boy <3” on twitter, and everyone was like…. “are we obsessed with the idea of a Skepta and Adele crossover?” But according to Skepta, the friendship was strictly platonic—as if we’re all unable to grasp the inevitable bond you share when you’re two incredibly talented musicians who hail from the same small town in London. Duh. He bragged about how Adele texts him “all the time” to “keep him in check,” and “see how things are going.” Call me crazy, but no man is out here bragging about a woman texting him to just “check in” unless somewhere deep in his cerebral cortex he wants to fuck her. It’s the law.
And now, here we are three years later…. Two friends, grieving their decaying relationships together; tears turned to cuddling, followed by tons of making out, and next thing they know they’re celebrating his 37th birthday together at the Crystal Maze Experience (I have no idea what that is but it sounds rich and sexy).
It hasn’t been confirmed whether or not the two are a couple couple or if they’re just doing that whole song and dance where you’re “only sleeping with each other” but you’re also “totally casual” and “not at all together.” However, it shouldn’t go without saying that Adele is doing very important work right now, potentially some of the best in her career.
Despite typically opting to keep details of her personal life private, Adele has been candid about the pain she’s gone through this year. But, now we get to witness her “light at the end of the tunnel” moment—finding herself in a situationship with her close friend. I mean, am I Adele? Is Adele… me?
With or without Skepta clapping her little alto cheeks, Adele is a relatable glimpse into the natural progression of heartbreak recovery. She’s serving us pain, humor, vulnerability and rebound romance on a silver fucking platter. And although I am selfishly disappointed she channelled her once in a lifetime divorce energy into the bed of another instead of holing herself up in the studio, I’m grateful that she reaffirmed that celebrities, they’re just like us!
Now, we can only hope for an Adele Skepta collab to swoop in and save the state of music as we know it!
This has been another edition of Hottie of the Week (HOTW), where I bravely share the people who have been, for lack of a better term, crushing it. Tune in next week to hear whose good decisions I’m addicted to.